The Worst of the Worst

In my life, I've seen boring movies like Captain America: The First Avenger and Transformers: Dark of the Moon. I've seen movies that ruin intriguing or funny premises with grotesque humor (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and every raunchy comedy ever) or unnecessary explicit sex (every single solitary gay or lesbian movie ever (no offense to gay people)). But I don't think I've seen anything quite as horrifying or gross as The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.

The movie is not only worse then The Room and Bio-Dome, but it's only got a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. Not that Rotten Tomatoes is the to end all of movie reviews but you have to be really bad.

The plot: Some kid named Dodger and another guy named Captain Manzeni discover, in the literal sense, garbage pail kids. 

That's it.

Not only is the premise horrible but the execution is as well. The acting is REALLY horrible. At least Tommy Wiseau you can laugh at. With this film there is NOTHING redeemable. NOTHING.

Not only that, but the garbage pail kids are more gross then needed. The film features no sex but there is a scene where, I'm not making this up, a girl named Tangerine who's obviously 24 nibbles Dodger's ear. Seriously.

The music, puppets, acting, writing, directing and lighting. Everything is horrible. The only amusing thing is that in the film a bar is labeled "The Toughest Bar in the World". The joke would make more sense if it was in MLP or Animaniacs.

The movie is the WORST MOVIE PERIOD in my opinion. I give it a 0 out of 4.

Avengers Assemble by Nat4

This a remake of an old review of mine of Joss Whedon's The Avengers (which is currently the 3rd highest grossing film of all time). After some viewings I've come to a kind of opinion shift: Whedon's strength's and weaknesses are on display in this film.

You know the plot so I won't tell you it. So let's just jump right in to...

THE GOOD

Most of the acting in the film is good. Robert Downey Jr. IS Iron Man. Chris Evans does a good job as Captain America in a far superior script than Captain America: The First Avenger. Chris Hemsworth is still enjoyable as Thor. Though I would have felt more comfortable with Edward Norton, Mark Ruffalo does a good job as Bruce Banner. Samuel L. Jackson is obviously good as Nick Fury, as is Clark Gregg as Phil Coulson. Jeremy Renner is the only actor to play Hawkeye in my book. Scarlett Johansson does a surprisingly good job as Black Widow considering she's done such horrors as Lost in Translation (come on Sofia Coppola, you have a talent as a writer and director. Use it correctly) and Iron Man 2. But Tom Hiddleston steals the show as Loki, playing it with just as much effort as he did in Thor. 

The ending fight scene is, hands-down, one of the best fight scenes in cinema. It even puts Michael Bay's Transformers films to shame (considering that it was the closest competition action scene wise). The music of Alan Silvestri is exceptional though my brother says it would have been "20% cooler if Michael Giacchino did it". 

The film also includes some funny lines and all the heroes bounce of each other like a dysfunctional family. 

And now....THE BAD

Unfortunately, as Joss Whedon's good side is on display, so is his achilles heel. Though the CGI is good, there are some moments where I was like "CGI." Joss also feels the strange need to include weird camera angles and annoying shaky-cam shots. My sister (who can do even deeper analysis than I can) said the Thor and Loki relationship was under-played. This isn't just a supervillain,  this is someone Thor has known basically his whole life. 

Cobie Summers is unintentionally annoying as Maria Hill, Nick Fury's pack-mule. Her main goal: point out the painfully obvious. But that's not the worst aspect.

Now, I know not every film is perfect (except for  Big Fish, Stanley Kubrick films, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Citizen Kane, Amadeus, Fiddler on the Roof, Schindler's List, The Patriot and Signs), but when a film has parts that are not only good but great and the bad stuff blatantly stands out, it's annoying. But by far the worst scene: Tony Stark and Loki having a conversation in Stark Tower. This scene quite literally has no point. According to Joss Whedon, at least 30 minutes of footage was cut due to timing reasons. Most deleted scenes involve Captain America trying to deal with modern life. Oh sure, cut the Captain America scene but no the pointless scene in Stark Tower that...that's what the people what to see. 

Overall, I still enjoy the film as does my family. Joss Whedon got 80% percent of the movie right but he still needs to hone is craft. I checked on a calculator and the 143 minute film would have been at least 173 minutes (two minutes shorter then The Fellowship of the Ring) had the 30 minutes of cut footage been left in. I would like to see that extended cut if it exists. 

The Avengers is a 3.5 out of 4.

Powerful Big Fish by Nat4

And because encourage good movie watching, here's my opinion on a movie by Tim Burton.

In Big Fish, Edward Bloom (played in youth by Ewan McGregor and in senior years by Albert Finney) is a storyteller. The only person who isn't thrilled with his ability is his son William (Billy Crudup). So William starts a search to discover if there's some truth to his father's stories.

Not only was this film good, it surprised me. It expected the film to be just okay, but my mind was blown. There's only so much we can talk about so let's talk about the best aspects one by one. 

First: The father-son aspect. This is something I've always loved in stories whether by Steven Spielberg or the Kendrick brothers Courageous. It's masterfully told through screenwriter John August and by the actors. And now, the characters. 

Edward Bloom

Both Ewan McGregor and Albert Finney do great across from each other. McGregor's accent makes you think he WAS actually from down south. Originally, Steven Spielberg was going to direct this and Jack Nicholson was going to be old Edward. Spielberg dropped out and gave the project to Tim Burton. Thank you, Steven, from the bottom of my heart.

Sandra Bloom

Like McGregor and Finney, Jessica Lange and Alison Lohman go great across each other. But like the movie, relative newcomer at the time Alison Lohman surprised me. In a world with such horrible actress as Megan Fox, Rosie Huntington-Whitley and Amanda Seyfried, Lohman (who after Big Fish worked with Ridley Scott in Matchstick Men) displays incredible range. Thanks to these actress, you really fell that Sandra and Edward are in love. That's good writing.

William and Josephine Bloom

Billy Crudup does a good job playing a son who longs to know if the stories his father told him are true. For her first American film (no, really), Marion Cotillard does her role well. I enjoyed her an the evil yet sympathetic Mal in Christopher Nolan's Inception and here she has such a grace to her role. 

Jenny

I'm a fan of Helena Bonham Carter (she was great as Queen Elizabeth in The Kings Speech) and she this is so far the second time I've seen her play a normal person. Like Cotillard, she plays her character (both in young and senior years) with grace. When Edward goes to fix her house, one of the best bits of writing in the film occurs. When she admits that she loves Edward, Edward retaliates by stating that he can love no one else but his wife and "that from the day I saw her to the day I die, she's the only woman I want to be with." That's good writing. It not only avoids the cliche that is adultery and or affair but Jenny takes in with stride and decides to let go of her long-hidden crush and she moves on. That's just awesome.

There are so many characters that I can't cover all of them but let me just say there is not a single weak performance. Danny DeVito and Steve Buscemi do good jobs as the comic relief of the film. Though she only plays the character for a few minutes, Helena Bonham Carter is admirable as the crazy witch from Edward's childhood. Robert Guillaume does a good job as the doctor of the family as does the giant who plays Karl.

The film is also expertly made. While Tim Burton's creepiness and imagery occasionally pop up, they don't often. Danny Elfman's score is spectacular and my favorite of Elfman's work. The Celtic and southern sounds mix well together. The costumes are colorful and bright as is the cinematography. Oscar-winner Philippe Rousselot (who won for A River Runs Through It) gives the flashback's a glow and the colors in both the present and flashback's are bright and colorful.

Tim Burton made this film after his father's death in 2001 and his mother's the next year. You can see in the film that he's displaying something he described in an interview as "I didn't have a good relationship with my dad." The longing for connection shows. I can't tell you how the film ends but let me tell you it ends well.

This is my favorite Tim Burton film and I give it a 4 out of 4.

Robo-Fail by Nat4

Yesterday I sat in my living room with my mom and two sisters and came into Real Steel with an open mind. And oh boy, were our hopes shattered. Were it not for some good visual effects, a hopeful up-and-comer and a score by Oscar-nominee Danny Elfman, the film would be irredeemable.

Basically, the movie is set in the near future where boxing is done by robots (which is actually logical). A retired boxer Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman) and his son Max (Dakota Goyo) discover a robot named Atom and the kid thinks the robot has the makings of a boxer and Charlie trains him. Add a pointless romance with Evangeline Lilly and your mediocrity is complete.

Though the premise does echo such GOOD films as Cinderella Man, Rocky and Ali, it could be an interesting film but it didn't amount to that. In this overly-predictable, frequently boring movie, you're going to have to try REALLY hard to find someone to root for.

Hugh Jackman's talent is wasted by a horrible script. Through the whole movie I could hear my sister yelling "You jerk!" Basically, he's unsympathetic father. And there went the potential father-son story.

Like Lily Collins in Abduction and Mirror Mirror, Dakota Goyo (who you may recognize as young Thor in Kenneth Branagh's Thor) is wasted by the poor script. His most authentic scenes are when he's interacting with the robot. He's been chosen to play young Noah in Darren Aronofsky's Noah and all I can think is "Darren, you're this kids only hope."

Evangeline Lilly's character is almost entirely pointless. She's supposed to be Hugh Jackman's girlfriend and a strong-willed woman but she comes off as incredibly annoying. She's been chosen to be in Peter Jackson's Hobbit films. God help us all.

To make matters worse, the visual effects are good and Danny Elfman's music is too. But that's the problem. Nominated for an Oscar for the visual effects, it was it's only true logical nomination. They are not, however, the impressive feat of District 9's visual effects are (yes, I think the people who did District 9 managed to be cooler then Michael Bay's Transformers films (before you scream and moan I still like the effects). While Danny Elfman's score is there, it's buried under horrible songs.

The worst part is the director and executive producer. Shawn Levy (the director) so far has had a good track record (I've enjoyed Big Fat Liar and both Night at the Museum's). Nonetheless, this film doesn't feel like his movie. And Steven Spielberg (the executive producer)....man, you need to replace your agent.

In my eyes, this is only topped by G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra (thanks Real Steel, Chanting Tatum saved you.) I give it a 0.5 out of 4.

On the subject of shipping of characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or: How the hell can those two go together?:

Well, first a confesson. I'm not personally a fan of LGBT shippings. Now that we got that out of the way, let us disscuss the various shippings in the MLP fandom and what I personally think of them:
First a quick definition of the term shipping, from the website Know Your Meme:

"Shipping is a fandom practice that involves imagining relationships between two fictional characters from a show, movie, or book series. This ranges from canon relationships (ones that appear in the work) to alternate universe scenarios that would be highly unlikely to ever occur in the normal storyline. Shipping can be seen in fanfiction and fan art of the imagined couplings."

In english, that means that two characters in a show (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic for example) are seen by fans of said show to romantically involved.


In the general fandom of MLP, there seems to be an increibly high amount of Girl/Girl shippings. Why is that you may ask? Here are three reasons:


1. Most of the characters of the show are girls. If out of 10 people, 9 of them are girls, most fan shippings will be girl on girl, it's just a matter of statistics. (This view I think is the most accurate)


2. Most of the fans of this show are young adult males, and as we all know most males of the age group of 16-24  REALLY like lesbians, no matter what. (Yeah, I don't know why ether)


3. It's just cause most bronies are perverts who live in they're mothers basement. (This view I DON'T think is the reason)

I shall now list several fandom parings and give my own personal opinion on them:

AppleDash (Rainbow Dash and Applejack):

Reason for being prevalent: The two characters are often shown to be friends in the show itself, but somewhat contentious friends. This, along with the running joke of Rainbow Dash being lesbian (due to her tomboyish nature and the fact that her mane is rainbow colored). But when asked said question, Lauren Faust (creator and executive producer for the show) responded with the following:

"nowhere in the show is her sexual orientation ever referenced....assuming [tomboys] are lesbians is extremely unfair to both straight and lesbian tomboys"

I happen to agree with Mrs. Faust.

Reason for me not being a fan: I personally don't think Applejack and Rainbow Dash are lesbian for the reasons listed above, and by this point, it seems to be a cliche.

Lyra/Bon-Bon:

Reason for being prevalent: These two characters are often seen in the background of the show standing next to each other. That's it. Really.

Reason for me not being a fan: For the reasons listed above. And logically, if you didn't know me at all and I just saw me sitting next to my brother, would you think I was gay? No. You're first thought would probobly be: "Why in hell does that nerd in the glasses have hair like Kramer from Sienfield?"

Someone actually made a comic pointed out the bad logic envolved with the whole Lyra and Bon-Bon shipping thing:

See what I mean?

FlutterMac (Fluttershy and Big Macintosh):

Yes, it is just as cute as it looks.

Reason for prevalence: They both seem to be the most soft-spoken characters in the show, Fluttershy mostly talking barily over a whisper and Big Mac rarely saying anything more than "Eeup" and "Nope". Even though in the show I don't believe they've even shared the screen together for more than two seconds.

For odvious reasons there are MANY more shippings out there I could talk about, so I'll soon be doing a video dedicated to said shippings.

Thanks, FabinHim

Kung Fu Fail by Nat4

For those of you who do not know, I have a particular dislike to DreamWorks computer-animated films. The best film they've ever made that was animated was The Prince of Egypt. The closet they've come to that in these later years are Over the Hedge and Madagascar. Kung Fu Panda was not one of those of films. A story  that could have been good was ruined by this "find yourself" philosophy. The sequel, Kung  Fu Panda 2, does offer more but just like the original falls flat.

The story for this film is that Po (Jack Black) is trying to discover who his true parents are due to a vision he had while fighting some thieves whilst him and the Furious Five try to stop Lord Shen (Gary Oldman) from destroying  China. Okay, good premise. But this is DreamWorks, the same guys who brought us Shrek. Knowing the first film, it's bound to have an "inner peace" philosophy, kung fu action and a disappointing payoff.  But this film does two things different from the first film that I like:

ONE: Po discovers he was adopted by a duck (the first film never explained it) and Po now want's to find his true parent hood. This idea and plot line is not only good but actually very intriguing. According to my sister, when she saw the flashback of Po's parents saving him she called it "Sophie's Choice with pandas!" (Though not as sad as it sounds but still.) By the end you feel happy that Po, knowing the truth, still chooses to stay with his dad. It's not only satisfying but it shows Po has grown as a character. But then the film basically gives us the middle-finger by having Po's father alive in the last shot, eradicating any character development Po had.

Now my favorite part of the movie:

TWO: The villain. Lord Shen is not only awesome (as if having the voice of Gary Oldman wasn't enough), he's also sympathetic. In the begging we are told that Shen's wanted to use gunpowder as a weapon and that a soothsayer (who I'll get into later) told his parents that he would be defeated by a panda. Thus, Shen went and killed the panda's (it just happens to be where Po was from). His parents banished him and thus cue our antagonist. You do feel for Shen and Gary Oldman helps carry the emotion whilst also delivering every line awesomely (even the really cheesy ones.) And how do they kill Shen: by having a cannon fall on him and blow up. This really irritates me but I've probably already explained why.

The Furious Five are still cool and we luckily have a 24 minute short film Secrets of the Furious Five that explains their origins in great detail. Hans Zimmer and John Powell (both veteran composers) once again deliver a good score and mix chinese and orchestral instruments together great (it's also what made the first film's music great.)

The Soothsayer (voiced by Michelle Yeoh who you may remember from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) who follows Shen around has no purpose then to point out the painfully obvious and the action and animation really aren't as cool as the first film. I don't like this or it's predecessor, but at least this tried (though it failed.) 

I'd give this film a rating of 1.5 out of 4.

Well, this is my first post to my first blog. The blog's purpose? Me and my brothers random ramblings, movie reviews and discussions about life, film, ponies and stuff.